Weekend Movie Planner: Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian, One Day, Spy Kids

The dog days of summer roll on, and there’s not much respite at the movie theaters, unless you count the ice-cold air (I do).

Opening wide this weekend: Remakes of two ’80s hits, along with a certifiable chick flick, and a kids-oriented franchise movie that wasn’t screened for critics (you know what that means, don’t you?)

I can’t recall the last horror film that had as potent a mix of humor, suspense, and monster-movie scares as Fright Night, a redo of the much-loved 1985 horror comedy. The setting is Las Vegas, where it’s not uncommon for those who work the graveyard shift on the Strip to darken their windows, the better for a handsome, virile vampire like Jerry (Colin Farrell) to hide his true identity. Jerry’s teenage neighbor (Anton Yelchin), prodded by his nerdy best friend (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), is beginning to wonder about the late-night screams and next-door visitors who keep disappearing; the kid’s nervous, too, about the attention his attractive mom (Toni Collette) and vivacious girlfriend (Imogen Poots) is starting to get from Jerry. The performances are uniformly winning, the pacing of the film, directed by Craig Gillespie (Mr. Woodcock, Lars and the Real Girl), is appealing, and the Marti Noxon-penned script is quite funny, particularly when it comes to the lines spoken by a famous gothed-out illusionist (David Tennant) whose name is a reference to horror icon Vincent Price. Think of Fright Night as an early, quite welcome Halloween present. One final note: The gore is plentiful, and the 3D doesn’t add much. Rated R; 106 minutes. Grade: B+

Conan the Barbarian, with Jason Momoa in the role played by Arnold Schwarzenegger back in 1982, is all brawn, blood, and breasts, with revenge and self-sacrifice thrown in for good measure. Speaking of savagery, the film is being brutalized by critics, with a 25% Tomatometer rating at Rotten Tomatoes, and a 37 Metascore at Metacritic. Still, if the target audience — male, from teens to those old enough to have seen the original in theaters — responds in force, there could be sequels. Directed by Marcus Nispel (remakes of Friday the 13th and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), the movie also stars Ron Perlman and Rose McGowan. Rated R; 112 minutes.

One Day concerns a couple of cute ’80s kids, blue-collar gal Emma (Anne Hathaway) and rich guy Dexter (Jim Sturgess), who meet the night they graduate from college, but take their time — really take their time — making a love connection. Danish-born director Lone Scherfig (2009′s acclaimed An Education, Dogme charmer Italian for Beginners) directed the romcom, also starring the always reliable Patricia Clarkson. Rated PG-13; 108 minutes.

Spy Kids: All the Time in the World in 4D continues an action-adventure series that was clever, funny, and brimming with nifty gadgets when it debuted a decade ago. Despite the promise implied by the title of 2003′s Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over, the franchise is back by someone’s demand. This time it comes with a gimmick: “Aroma-Scope” — scratch-and-sniff cards featuring a variety of odors, including a smell meant to evoke a baby’s diaper. Not screened in advance, so you pays your money and you takes your chance. Franchise director/producer Robert Rodriguez (Sin City, Desperado, El Mariachi), helmed the movie, starring the pretty but vacant Jessica Alba, Joel McHale (of television’s “Community”) and television’s “Entourage” star Jeremy Piven. Rowan Blanchard and Mason Cook play the new kids, and original kids Alexa Vega and Daryl Sabara, now all grown up, are on hand, too, along with Danny Trejo as Uncle Machete. Rated PG; 89 minutes.

Also opening at selected Tampa Bay area theaters: Well-reviewed French drama Sarah’s Key, with a cast led by Kristin Scott Thomas and including Aidan Quinn

“Conan the Barbarian”: Destined to Become the Year’s Worst-Reviewed Action Movie?

Is the new Conan the Barbarian, with Jason Momoa in the title role played by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the ’80s, about to be mercilessly slammed by film critics? Will it become the year’s worst-reviewed action movie?

And, if so, will that blunt its opening-weekend performance at the box office?

So far, the forecast calls for pain: A critic for IndieWire describes the movie as “truly, truly awful” while The Hollywood Reporter‘s Kirk Honeycutt writes, “There is no purpose to the film other than random blood splattering amid scenes of bondage, primitive savagery and S&M eroticism. The film is numbing and dumb with its hero indistinguishable from its villains. Conan fights under no moral code nor stands for any principle.” full review

That’s not all. More critical snubs:

“Fight, talk, fight, talk, fight, talk, then an enormous throwdown followed by a denouement that dangles the possibility of a sequel (dear God, no) — that’s the basic structure here. And yet, despite seeming so simplistic, director Marcus Nispel’s film is mind-numbingly convoluted. The fact that it’s been converted to a murky, smudgy, barely-used 3-D doesn’t help matters. At one point, I scrawled in my notes: “Incomprehensible underwater serpent attack.” There you have it.” — Christy Lemire, AP; full review

“(a) tiresome reboot, a dull and desultory affair that’ll leave you feeling as cheated as Arnold Schwarzenegger’s missus” — Neil Smith, Total Film; full review

“The plot is threadbare, as you should already expect, so, really, there is no need to break down what is simply almost two hours of testosterone-filled blood, sweat, fight and gore. Oh, and revenge.” — Geneveive Loh, Today Online; full review.

“Take away much of the myth, most of the sorcery and all of the humor of the 1982 John Milius-Arnold Schwarzenegger version of the sword and sorcery epic “Conan the Barbarian” and you’ve got an idea what the new ‘Conan’ is like. It has a better actor as star — Jason Momoa (“North Shore” “Game of Thrones”). It has better sword play. It even has 3D. But you lose the legend of Conan, you’ve lost the plot.” — Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel; full review.

Variety‘s Peter Debruge, on the other hand, offers something akin to a positive review: “With all earnestness, Nispel embraces the property’s classic roots, placing this new “Conan” squarely within the tradition of sword-and-sorcery pics. Visually, the world hews close to the dark, iconic look established by fantasy painter Frank Frazetta, which will no doubt please devotees, but offers as little room for surprise as the film’s recycled storyline.” full review

The tally, so far: A 44% Tomatometer rating at Rotten Tomatoes, based on 16 reviews; a Metascore of 39 at Metacritic, based on four reviews.

The body count begins on Friday.

The ’80s: They’re Baaaack (& Kid Cudi meets “Fright Night”)

Hey, ’80s, how can I miss you if you won’t go away?

The decade is in full reboot mode in Hollywood, with this weekend’s remakes of Fright Night and Conan the Barbarian, and new versions of Footloose and The Thing due this fall.

The beginning of One Day, also opening Friday, is set in 1988, and both Top Gun and Ferris Bueller’s Day Off are about to be released on Blu-ray. USA Today‘s story on the mini-trend is here.

New era, new pop songs on the soundtracks: Horror shocker Fright Night, with Anton Yelchin as the spooked teenager, Toni Collette as the distracted mom, Colin Farrell as the scary bloodsucker next door, and David Tennant as the would-be vampire killer, features at least one aptly titled tune by rapper/singer Kid Cudi.

The moody, surprisingly gory clip for his hypnotic, slow-churning “No One Believes Me,” an official tie-in with the movie, is below.

One last note: Chris Sarandon, who played Farrell’s role in the 1985 original version of the film, makes a cameo in the film, as does bespectacled ’90s indie chanteuse Lisa Loeb)

Final Destination 5: Post-Mortem

So maybe it was a fluke that 2009′s The Final Destination (emphasis on “the”), the fourth and most commercially successful movie in the series, generated a whopping box-office take of $186.2 million, worldwide.

The latest installment, Final Destination 5, notched just $18 million over the weekend, for a film with a budget of more than $40 million. And that’s including all the extra dough coughed up to see the grisly horror film in 3D. So now can we lay the franchise to rest? Will it rise from the dead?

Before this weekend’s inevitable drop-off, and the film’s final burial, a few thoughts, not necessarily in order of importance:

1)”Dust in the Wind,” by ’70s prog-rockers Kansas, is the theme song for FD5 — every time the tune is played, disaster is just ahead. It’s an apropos pick. Not only are the characters and performances instantly forgettable, but the series seems likely to go poof, and the lyrics might be a note to the movie’s producers: “Don’t hang on, nothing last forever but the earth and sky. It slips away, all your money won’t another minute buy.”

2)Does anyone else think Miles Fisher, one of the young, interchangeable cast members, looks and acts like a young Tom Cruise? Fisher (right), a singer and actor, has played up that resemblance in previous movies and viral videos (details). So maybe he’s on his way up: He’s next on screen as “Agent Garrison” in Clint Eastwood’s J. Edgar, a Hoover biopic.

3)Although 3D remains a hot trend, I’ve yet to be convinced that it will be around for the long run. Still, the technology enables FD5 to provide quite a few jolts that otherwise wouldn’t have quite the same impact. An impaling on a sailboat mast, anyone? A close-up of an eyeball being squashed?

4)How did funny guy David Koechner (below), easily the most hilarious recurring guest on television’s “The Office,” wind up in the parade of victims in FD5? Oh yeah, the payday. And as Koechner told Collider.com, “I think that even in a drama, we all want to smile, and laugh because what a horrible life if we’re just like “I’m in a drama.” And so I think in everything you’re trying to look for the humor, even if it’s a dark scene, because most people want to have fun in life, as opposed to have a boring time, a terrible time.” More here.

5)Thinking back on the history of movie violence, it’s hard to imagine that a movie with gore this extreme wouldn’t have been banned in every country on the planet, back when I first started watching horror flicks, in the late ’60s and early ’70s. Is it the result of the law of diminishing returns – the more that one sees explicit, graphic levels of bloodletting, the more that filmmakers must up the ante in order to achieve the same shock?

New DVD Releases (8/16): Jane Eyre, The Big Lebowski, Hoodwinked Too! The Killing

Jane Eyre (Universal, 2011) — The affecting, seamless performance by Mia Wasikowska (Alice in Wonderland) as the titular lost girl found is reason enough to see the latest adaptation of Charlotte Bronte’s classic novel, directed by Cary Fukunage (Sin Nombre). The story of love, loss, and some really mean people in 19th-century England is beautifully if somberly photographed by Adriano Goldman — the fog is enveloping, and candles emit an eerie glow. The film also features compelling performances by Michael Fassbender as Rochester, Amelia Clarkson as the young Jane, and the always reliable Sally Hawkins as rotten Aunt Sarah. It does feel a bit overlong, though. PG-13; 121 minutes. Grade: B+ (also on Blu-ray)

The Big Lebowski (Universal, 1998) — The umpteenth time through the Coen brothers’ comic crime classic, centered on a long list of losers embroiled in an alleged kidnapping plot, and a viewer appreciates even more the brilliance of the casting — a never-better Jeff Bridges as protagonist The Dude, John Goodman and Steve Buscemi as his bowling-league pals, John Turturro as an over-the-top Latin lover named Jesus, and Julianne Moore as a kinky artiste, as well as terrific turns by Peter Stormare, Philip Seymour Hoffman, Ben Gazzara, Tara Reid, and Sam Elliott. Then there’s the ferociously funny script, which feels improvised but isn’t. And the nutty dream sequences and musical numbers, too. The Blu-ray edition also includes a 28-page book, a digital copy, and multiple extras, some of which were available in earlier editions. R; 117 minutes. Grade: A+

Hoodwinked Too! Hood VS. Evil (Anchor Bay, 2011) — The far superior 2005 Hoodwinked , co-directed and co-written by siblings Cory Edwards and Todd Edwards, and Tony Leach, was a funny, clever animated retelling of Little Red Riding Hood’s adventures, with a wonderfully twisted plot and winning voice performances. This time, Hood and Co. are called on to find the missing Hansel and Gretel. Hayden Panettiere, as Red, leads the voice cast, which also includes Patrick Warburton as The Wolf and Glenn Close as Granny. Rookie feature director Mike Disa helmed the production, which, for multiple reasons, including a laborious script, feels like it’s two hours long. PG; 87 minutes. Grade: C- (also on Blu-ray)

Also out are a trio of horror flicks, all available in DVD & Blu-ray: The Final Destination (New Line, 2009), the fourth (and not-quite-final) in the gory series, which oozed back last weekend with No. 5; Priest, with Paul Bettany as the titular character in the futuristic thriller (Sony, 2011); and John Carpenter‘s The Ward (Arc, 2010), the revered director’s first feature since 2001′s Ghosts of Mars.

Available on DVD & Blu-ray, variously: The Criterion Collection edition of Stanley Kubrick’s The Killing (1956); Robert Redford‘s The Conspirator; Kate Hudson romcom Something Borrowed; slasher-movie classic A Nightmare on Elm Street; Stallone actioners Demolition Man, Assassins, and Cobra; and John Candy comedy Armed and Dangerous.

The Truth About Glee?

The most truthful line in press coverage of Glee: The 3D Concert Movie comes courtesy of USA Today‘s two-star review.

“And never has a movie had less need for 3-D other than to jack up prices,” Scott Bowles wrote in a piece published Friday.

At least critics and other viewers aren’t being snookered: Glee, a spin-off of the popular TV series, has been almost universally panned, with a Metascore of 50 at Metacritic and a 60% Tomatometer rating at Rotten Tomatoes.

And it’s tanking at the box office, finishing #11 for the weekend, with only $5.5 million (on 2,040 screens!)

Not even a Gwyneth Paltrow cameo could save the thing.

Will “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” Become a Monkey Movie Favorite?

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is poised to score $26 million at the box office this weekend, thus landing at No. 1 for the second consecutive weekend. So will the latest film inspired by Pierre Boulle‘s 1963 novel swing its way into a prominent place in the hearts of monkey movie lovers?

Time will tell.

Meanwhile, Peter Jackson’s overlong 2005 version of King Kong remains the favorite primate movie of many contemporary viewers, according to a recent poll in Entertainment Weekly. That film, with nearly 30% of votes, was followed by 1988′s Gorillas in the Mist, the original 1968 Planet of the Apes, the 1998 remake of Mighty Joe Young, Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan (1984), Every Which Way But Loose (1978) and the just-released documentary Project Nim.

Those enamored of Rise, directed by Rupert Wyatt (The Escapist), can probably count on better than even chances of a sequel, thanks to the decent box-office take. The film, too, hints with a suggestion of things to come: a man exposed to the same drug that made the monkeys smart is sick, and about to board a plane.

For more of the EW story, click here.

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Warrior — First Blush: You’ve Got to Be Cruel to Be Kind

The new adaptation of Conan the Barbarian is due next Friday.

Meanwhile, Warrior, the season’s other he-man fighting hero movie, a contemporary tale of bloodsport, is being shown to critics well in advance of its Sept. 9 opening date; positive word of mouth is expected to be key to the film’s success. The audience at the screening I attended responded boisterously — cheering, shouting — to the superbly choreographed scenes of mixed-martial-arts action.

Like last year’s beautifully acted and directed The Fighter, the new film, directed by Gavin O’Connor (hockey movie Miracle), is as much about healing broken relationships as it is about winning pitched battles. Warrior, too, concerns a rift between two brothers, this time played by Joel Edgerton (Animal Kingdom, forthcoming remakes of The Thing and The Great Gatsby) and Tom Hardy (Inception, Thick as Thieves, next year’s The Dark Knight Rises)

In addition to facing their own problems, the siblings are contending with a dad (Nick Nolte) who’s a recovering alcoholic with a history of mistreating his family. The final showdown takes place at a glitzy last-man-standing event in Atlantic City.

A few quick observations: 1)At 140 minutes, the movie is long but so expertly paced, closing with a long crescendo of excitement, that it feels as if it moves quickly; 2)Coincidences fall like rain, but suspension of disbelief isn’t an obstacle; 3)The Great Recession plays a role, as does, uh, the comeback of the Soviet Threat, in the form of a fearsome Russian fighter; 4)The moral of the story seems to be, “You’ve got to be cruel to be kind, in the right measure” (thanks to Nick Lowe).

Stay tuned for a full review.

Ford, Capra Honored with U.S. Postal Stamps Available Next Year

Two more Hollywood greats are getting an extra measure of post-mortem glory via the U.S. mail: Western master John Ford (Stagecoach, The Searchers) and Frank Capra (It Happened One Night, It’s a Wonderful Life) are the next honorees in a series that also includes tributes to Gregory Peck, James Dean, and Katherine Hepburn.

The Ford and Capra “Great Film Directors” stamps will be issued in 2012. Each stamp features an image of the respective director in the foreground; John Wayne is also portrayed on the Ford stamp, and Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert are seen on the Capra stamp.